I have met many wonderful families who have experienced a pain that most cannot imagine. Those of us who have experienced the loss of a child are a unique group. It was always my hope that I was able to portray my empathy and to let them know that I truly understood their pain. Through my job as a nurse midwife, I have had the opportunity to care for many families who have experienced loss. Her statement made me think, “Is that such a bad thing?” “Is that how people define me?” I was suggesting such a support group to my patient and she told me she “didn’t need it, she and her husband did not want to be defined as the parents whose baby died”. A very large part of my journey through grief was the parent support group that I was a part of for 10 years following Elizabeth’s death. It wasn’t until several years later as I was visiting with a patient who also had suffered the loss of a child that I began to realize the impact.
At that moment in time, I could not have understood how this tragedy would change me and would come to define me as a person. I am sure I don’t need to explain how our lives were turned upside down when Elizabeth died. I remember seeing my sister crying and hugging my dad in the hallway at the hospital. I was there when they said there was nothing else they could do. Together, we watched them perform CPR on our lifeless baby. I remember seeing my husband, head in hands, sitting in a chair in the ER, waiting for me to get there.
My mom, in true mom form, tried to calm me down and reassure me that everything was going to be fine.
I remember the phone call to my mom while I was being driven to the hospital by my boss. I remember my secretary standing in the doorway of my office telling me my babysitter was on the phone (normally she would have just transferred me the call). I can still remember her coming into my bedroom every morning asking “where her baby was”.Īfter 14 years, some of the memories of November 4 are blurred in my mind, but some remain very vivid. Our older daughter, Olivia, was 3 when Elizabeth was born.
#Defining moments in life full#
She was born almost 3 weeks early and had a full head of dark brown hair. Elizabeth was born early in the morning, just as the sun was coming up after a very quick and uncomplicated labor.
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